Jack

I'm glad you're still in my mind in some ways... I need to be babied by you. Sometimes, it seems a person can never have both lust and friendship and you can only have one or the other. It seems mostly lust but I still have my emotional voids that are sometimes harder to explain than others. I need to be able to emotionally care for someone and be cared for. I feel I've never been in a relationship that I can call that much of a relationship, but I also can't deny that I've had some relationships with some men. I let myself win with my hard relationship critic anyway because I don't think some men understand how much I want to feel like I'm in a normal relationship and how much it matters to me. I'm big on being a libertarian with emotions and love. People can't force emotions and they can't force acts of love. Sometimes, people have their mind made up while other times they have to be in their own waiting game. I want to get to know you more but don't always know how or how to find out what I should know. I'm not being a big critic against "would you fight for my love?" In the most literal way. I have figurative questions to ask in a minute. But just to make sure we're on the same page and I'm not judging you, some people do need to be told that their love is wanted sometimes. People need to be told when they are really wanted and people should understand that it is ok to have expectations and expectations that are more than reasonable to expect. I'm keeping my anger of some of my bad relationships pushed aside, but it isn't that I've ever had things said to me in the worst way, or forced to face a mean, unfair, and extremely unreasonable expectation. ..... "Would you fight for my love?" figuratively. ... Was it really Quinn you were looking at? Were you looking at me? If you were meaning to make Quinn your focus, were you almost wanting to say it to me in a passive way knowing I didn't quite catch onto you yet? Did you really notice me before and I should feel like shit in the worst way because I just didn't wake up to you and recognize you and that you were personally there? Do you still have feelings for Quinn? Is there any strong relationship still there? In the most straightforward way, is it the thought of Quinn and I hooking up a turn on and something you want to happen, or would you feel betrayed by me if I more than let something get started? Should I feel betrayed by you? Does Angelina and Brad Pitt's "By the Sea," have any truth in it? Although I see Jon as so long ago, I could see some of the truth to our relationship, but I never accepted myself as a married wife to him. Some time concepts seem to be so extremely off. I know while I never made any connection with you when I was at the Blue Parrot for a month, I didn't even make any connection with Jon around that time either. I think I was talking to Collin around that time, which had a bad ending too. Jon's stalking levels were high in the first year and a half while I have been working as a dancer, but I feel he's left me alone a little more. I know Jon's stalker is still there in some ways, but he is another person I keep ignored and don't see much of a purpose or reason to pay any more attention to him. I would have guessed the male neighbor in the movie to be Trump Jr., but I wonder of you and how much of a truth is in the whole story. Was Quinn a brief fling of yours, or have you stuck it out with her the whole time? ......... I honestly think Quinn would be too much and more of a trouble for me to get involved any further with. I think she is going to be too much trouble and drama I don't feel I need..... While I have a certain level of content with you right now, I'm still in a fear with you with my idealism. What if you are like the most of men: bisexual and wanting an open relationship? It's like there is a brief period of time where I can enjoy you and be had, and then you would want to keep whatever your same routine is. It is like your routine is something to fade back into where it is like something and nothing at all to stay in what could be an open/swinging lifestyle. ... You see I'm fragile and an angst and you don't want to startle me just yet with the type of man you are. Maybe you're not like that at all, or maybe I have a strong stereotype over people who have wealth and fame where the majority is like that. I think you know you have me, but you're being quiet and leaving me in wonder... Until then, I'm still thinking of you..........

As the Sarah Turns: Staying on top

While I feel I am my own pest; I force myself to keep shop with my drama anyway. There is a certain way I want to disappear, but I'd rather not feel buried alive with a lesser control and forced to lose to the world's terrible assumptions. in box/out box............. Jack is the man I want to chase after the most and drama is kept the same. I feel a little bit of fear for the things I don't know about Jack and what his serious desires and directions in life are. Big Ben has me humbled and shy and I don't really know what to say to him. I'm still on my guard in some ways because he doesn't have my entire trust, but he has my friendship to an extent. The copper the copper the copper and my filter with his arbitrage....: Corey O. no, I lost interest in him and would definitely bet he has betrayed me in too much of a significant depth. Randy, no no no. He was a one time fling who I will never find attractive again. I see him as a desperate barbarian behind my back too. Jim F. I havn't talked much about him but I know he lurks around. He is another barbaric man obsessed with his own domination games that I'm disgusted with too. I'm not attracted to him like that at all. There are one or two other men who I can't talk about yet and am staying hesitant with. The original copper, I feel I have nothing further to say. The original copper has me perplexed and confused while I remain on guard. After all of my briefness and discretion; I could never feel like such a whore. The in and out box keeps coming, and I feel a distressed player. Until then, signing off