"All is Fair in Love and War" Mad Mind

If I could have a direct, in person, bridged, and in lamen's terms conversation with my present guy I would. I am blind-sided with what I am seeing and being tested with to my face in my mind and msn. Whether or not he is talking to me or the one who puts me in restraint with whatever conversations are being had is something I don't know. He would really break my heart if he were the one restraining me in conversation and I have some apology if he is not the reason I have to treat myself to my own fair voice and keeping myself in one separate piece in a separate world. I hate that I have to question him and that the conversation has to go like this. I have been having some anxiety for sometime but the worry I have has never been said to my face by him in any personal fair way. He has had nothing but positive things to say and is comforting. He is nothing but a teddy bear to my face. I have been dealt such serious blows with being cheated on, lied to and against, tricked, and had to put up with a two-faced person. (I refuse the insecurity bondage game and don't play by those manipulative rapist rules in the worst way because a lying and cheating man can't handle that I won't let him get away with it). I know Bollywood can be confusing but it has been such an unresolved and undercorrected issue. While I have a feeling he could be a two-faced person with me, I have no other choice than to play my unfair game. I have seen some things on msn but keep it ignored. Was he being interrupted and made to assume? forced to assume? I have been more forced into an assumption game and one that is still unfair. I am in terror if he seriously is cheating on me with Stacy. I can't get over that I have to question if I am once again being battered by an intentional will to keep me raped in the worst way to my behind my back to my face? It isn't said to my face enough. While I am in terror as to whether or not I am being cheated on and robbed for Stacy or Quinn; I refuse to be called a coward for either. I'm more ignorant when it comes to Quinn and know I don't care about her drama. With Stacy, I've always been forced to take her bastard rape. It would be to my honor to be sent to prison for having treated Stacy to death threats and offenses. While I know she is the one who deserves to do the time behind bars more than I ever will; I will have some relief against feeling so lied against with her. I would have an official grit. "Hey Stacy you rapist bastard, guess what I went to jail for? I DID get someone to find me and you will never be able to lie against me in some ways like that again."..... With my present guy, has he kept me betrayed, assumed and judged against over some things, and put through some kind of punishment with whatever he assumes or judges? Has he really betrayed me? I keep some guys yelled at when I know I can believe it, but other times I can only look at them in horror and walk away while it remains a questionable unsaid mystery. I really don't know what I am to do with my present guy. There is a person who is wanting to face me though and if it isn't him; I'm not sure who. It could be the usual suspects, but I am very blind to whatever bastard is keeping me threatened with their terror, interrogations, and keeping me stared at in their isolating way. I am too blind and don't know what there is to believe. I hate that I'm feeling more forced to break in some way under pressure. I don't want to leave him and hate that I have to keep him in question without knowing how I'm supposed to bridge the very much separate worlds.