Where Am I?

Where am I? Am I buying into you? Is me being seduced into you anything more than that? ho hum. "Jekyl and Hyde" bipolarisms from both of us to each other. ?Both of our anger and hate is against not being loved.? We murder each other for love? ~thoughts and listlessness~ Tired of the game. Tired of the abuse. Tired of the lies and reminded of the violent history you were and the terrible murderous, backstabbing, terrorizing, suffocating, mutilating, cheating, lying choices you've made. I'm in listless pain and tired. Are you really attempting to backstab and lie against me as being the one to control your love of anyone? I think you would or had or have admitted my attitude of "you can have him." I'm sick and tired of the lying and controlling games. I'm sorry that you had the rapist delegation of authority you had and the conquestial credit you have, had, or would give people over my life. Your manipulations, lies, and conquestial way of life has always been the same. Do I think that just because you are retiring that you would all of a sudden stop being subjective and OCD obsessed with authority and leadership? I'm glad that I know I was never your sell-out and never made any attempt to connect more or have any more relation with you. I don't regret it. I'll never regret it. Although I feel I've already been scarred as a slave and indentured servant; I still know the choice that I've always made against you and your delegations. I don't understand how you think I would ever trust you again. You could still be the same sick joke, but if you really had a "decent proposal," I'm most doubting and listless. I don't understand your change of heart. I don't want your pity. If I have no choice, I'd play along as much as I could handle, but I'm not sure when my next raging fit for your castration would be. I know I'm being seduced into you with the vibe that it's only you and I on an island together, but I'm not making the choice to die or to be murdered by you. I'm crying on the inside and listless.